Full Time Mum (…In Heaven)

The moment I’ve found out that I have something inside me, I got scared. How? When? Why? What now? I’m too young and it was just for fun…

I tried to call him but he’s not answering. I went to his apartment and saw him with another girl. I cannot cry. I’m just speechless. I mean, he’s not mine…

I’ve read a lot of books. What will I feel? Will I vomit every time? Will I faint? What should I eat? Can I still drink beer? How about smoke? I just feel so stupid and ignorant. Well, I’m not expecting you so you can’t blame me…

I thought about getting rid of you. I’ve watched videos but instead of getting motivated, I cried on every videos that I’ve watched. I can’t do those things to you. I would never let them crush you into pieces. I can’t…

You’re starting to grow. You’re making me feel upset. Hungry. Lonely. I don’t know. Every moment with you is different. You even made me hate my favorite garlic chicken, you little thing!

I went to the doctor for the first time. So, there’s a healthy little guy inside me. She made me listen to your heartbeat. I started crying. It’s beautiful. I want to hear it everywhere…

Days and weeks and months have passed. You’re getting bigger and bigger each day. I can’t wear some of my favorite clothes. I feel so fat. Yes, I’m still upset. Why? I can’t even have a beer night with my friends. I’m afraid you’ll get drunk too. That’s how it works, right?

My due is fast approaching. I’m scared. I keep on asking you to never make me feel alone on this battle. Help me, my little thing. And I promise to you in return, I will love you forever…

The day has come. “Push” is all I can hear. I’m crying and excited and crying again. I’m doing all my best to get you out and I can feel that you’re doing your best too. Come one, let’s do this…

I’ve heard a noise. That is the noise that I will never get tired of hearing. It’s my little thing’s cry. They’ve showed you to me. Good god, you’re beautiful… 

I do now believe in love at first sight. This thing— little guy is mine. He’s mine. I will never let anyone get him. He’s just mine. I love him so much that I would give him my life. I love him forever…

He may grow up without anyone beside him but I know he will have a good life. He will learn any sports he wants to play. He will get a good degree. Everyone will love him. He will find the perfect girl for him and they will live happily ever after…

Now sleep tight my little angel. I’m sorry if I will never be there with you, but I’m always here in the sky watching over you. I love you my little thi— love. See you soon…


(credits to the image owner)

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