Things To Do If You’re Missing Someone

One of the worst feelings is to miss someone and you can’t do anything about it. I know how you feel so that’s why I came up with these shitty things to do if you’re missing your special someone. 

Get A Fucking Rebound – This is applicable to all my hoes and fuck boys out there. Just kidding. Well, getting a rebound doesn’t always mean cheating. At least for me. Uhm… Well… Technically, it is a form of cheating. So fuck this one. It’s up to your ass if you’re gonna follow this or not.

Sleep Just Like Sleeping Beauty – Missing someone + getting some sleep = a hella goddamn great sleep. Admit it! The other good things? You might be able to see them in your dreams + no more missing-them-shit. Fuck, I’m sleeping after this blog.

Fucking Eat – Desserts. Desserts. Desserts. Dude, if you’re missing someone, grab a motherfucking ice cream and shove it to your mouth. Just kidding. But yeah, you might want to grab some sweets. Wink!

Drink Like A German – Hell yeah! If you don’t wanna eat, call your friends and ask them to drink with you. However, if you don’t want some noise, grab that hella cold beer and start drinking it. Oh man! Now, I’m thirsty. 

Have Sex  Well. Uhm… Next.

Let Your Partner Know – Mi amigo, letting someone know that you miss them will not kill you. So, grab your fucking phone and tell him/her “Hey! I Miss You!” and if they don’t reply, well fuck them. Maybe they’re too busy. 

I don’t know if these things are helpful or not. Either way, I don’t give a fuck. Just try to fix your shit all together and stop missing someone who don’t even deserved to be missed. Fuck!

(credits to the image owner)


Tips For An Awesome Sex On The Phone

Long distance relationship shit is the hardest. Why? Well, aside from not seeing each other, you also can’t have sex because your partner is as far as shit from you.

Sex on the phone is one of the best alternative to show your partner that you really adore, like and love them… and want to fuck them like a beast. I don’t know why I wrote beast tho?

So, here are the best tips on how to make your sex on the phone activity more fucking intense and as real as fuck.

Moan like it’s your last day on earth. Both men and women loves moaning, even though women fakes it most of the time. Yes, we fake it most of the time to satisfy those D… I mean ears. Or D?

Don’t be shy to say “fuck me hard” “fuck harder” “yeah. fuck. baby!” “holy fuck!” “fuck” and “fuck you!” in front of the camera because that’s like heaven to your partner. It’s like licking men’s dick head or hitting women’s G-spot.

Am I right or am I right? Damn!

Don’t be afraid to show those strong magical tongue (my favorite) to your partner. Dude, that would make both of you wet as fuck! Especially with the girls.

For the gents, act as if you’re licking those pussy (well that’s if you know how to) and for the ladies, suck the shit out of those fingers (I prefer the thumb) as if your sucking those dick. 

This is not a fucking “I am shy show” rather a fucking sex on the phone!

Show them tits and pussy for the ladies, and show them fucking dick for the gentlemen. Man, who would hate to see those fucking lovely creations of god? 

By showing them creations, it doesn’t mean showing them plain. Act as if you’re both a pornstar. Be creative! I know it doesn’t make sense, but again… THIS IS A FUCKING SEX ON THE PHONE!

Ladies and gentlemen, masturbate like a professional. This would totally make each one of you wild in front of the camera especially if you’re gonna do it together.

The no-nos? Don’t leave one of you hanging. That means, if you’re done with your shit and your partner is still masturbating, wait for him/her to finish.

Don’t be a fucking asshole! Make them cum too!

I know you have your own way of having sex on the phone and I don’t give a fuck. So if you want to reach me, dial 1-800-SEX-ON-THE-PHONE and we’ll both have a great time, you motherfucker!

(credits to the image owner)

So Fucking What?

Are you one of those ladies who loves wearing sexy clothes? Short shorts? Tank tops? Crop tops? Mini skirt? Sexy mini dress? Backless? Braless? Sexy V-necks? 

If it’s a fucking yes, then I’m with you. I mean, if we are blessed with those long legs, big tits, bouncy ass, flawless skin and beautiful face, then why not flaunt it especially if that would make you more confident.

However, there are some shitty people around who sees you as a bitch or tramp or harlot or i don’t know, a sex lady? if you are wearing the shits that I’ve mentioned. Why?

Well, maybe because we live in a very conservative country? Or some people are not used to what you are wearing? Or they’re just jealous because they can’t wear the shit that you are wearing? Or they’re just a fucking pervert!

If one of those is the case, then fuck them! Fuck the shit outta them! Who are these people to judge you just because one of your nipples is popping out. Who the fuck are them to think you are a harlot just because they can see your red g-string? Who the hell are them to think that you are an easy girl just because your tummy is out? Who are these people?

Same thing goes to those people with tattoos and piercings. I mean, if they’re gonna judge you just because of those stuff, then the problem is them and never you, so don’t mind those shitty ass human beings and continue being awefuckingsome.

And to those people, who keeps on judging other people based on their physical appearance, dude you got a big problem. If you’re not insecure, then why the fuck do you fucking care? 

(credits to the image owner)

No To Fuck Boys?

Can everyone remember what rule number 1 is?




That’s right! Never ever fall in love especially if he’s a total fuck boy. However, what if you’re already falling to his charms? Smile? Eyes? You never want the “just friends” status but you want him to be your “the one”.

Girl, if you’re one of those girls who’s starting to fall in love with a fuck boy then you need to start slapping the shit outta you right now because you’re in a deep shit.

How could you fall for a FUCK BOY? Bitch, they’re just fucking your life up. Like literally. They are only showing their sweet gentleman side because they need those vagina. Not you!

Well, for the sake of argument, you both tried to give it a shot. He left his girlfriend, he’s yours. Do you think you can trust his ass? That he’s not gonna do the things that he did with his X-girlfriend while both of you were still FUBUs? 

No right? The bad thing about us bitches is that we tend to believe to the shitty illusion that we will be able to change those fuck boys. That he’s gonna change for you and for your shitty so called relationship. Well, that’s never gonna happen bitch. Never!

Keep in mind that fuck boys are afraid of commitment so you can never force them to love you in just a snap of a finger or a blink of an eye. You would really need to earn it. Fuck!

If you really can’t help it, maybe try looking for a rebound or at least try to ignore him. Let’s see if he’s gonna run after you or your vagina. If he did…




Just make sure to suck those balls.
(credits to the image owner)

Mamas Boy

She woke up because of an annoying loud ringing tone from an unknown number. Who the fuck is out of his/her mind trying to call someone at 7 AM??

Then a sudden flashback hits…

Let’s talk about Mamas boys. Dude, they are the sweetest and the nicest. You would totally want to hangout with these type of guys because they will treat you like their beloved mum… with sex, of course.

Sweetest? Why? How? Every moment with them is heaven. They’re gonna hold your hand, say horny-ish stuff, squeeze your arms, caress those legs, and even kiss your cheeks. Wait, sweet means being a total maniac, for some.

Hell yeah, they are the nicest person in the world. They will make sure that you are comfortable, happy and always have a glowing smile whenever you’re with them. They’re just too perfect for your ass.

They are also very self-conscious. They always want to look good to the point that you would ask yourself if they are straight or not, cause guess what? They got beauty products with them and yes, expect them to be so good fucking looking guys. How lovely?

Those are some great things you will totally notice about mamas boys. The shitty bad thing? Some of them has a very judgemental mum. If their mum doesn’t like your ass, then you’re in a deep shit. It will never ever change. The last thing you want to do is to make their mum your mother-in-law because you are so fucked.

They will call their beloved son anywhere and anytime. Well, we can’t blame them especially if the guy you’re dating is their only son or because they’re just being a mum to their son but dude, it’s so hassle as fucking fuck.

So what if you’re in a hotel room and he’s about to insert those D in your P and their mum suddenly called? I know you’re thinking that they can’t say things like “Uhm, I’m in a hotel room mum. Just trying to have sex. Call you later. Love you”! However, that’s usually what happens. WHAT THE FUCK?

The phone is ringing again. Someone answered it. A mad lady spoke.

” If my son is there, tell him to go home. You can’t blame me because I’m a mum. I understand that you guys are into drinking beer, but this is his first time not going home. Where is my so—”

She turn off the phone and looks at the guy beside him who just woke up from his peaceful sleep and say “Another round?”

(credits to the image owner)